


After Ferrol

by inalasahl



Category: Hornblower (TV)
Genre: Angst, First Time, Kissing, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-11-08
Updated: 2005-11-08
Packaged: 2017-10-07 03:45:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,245
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/61077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inalasahl/pseuds/inalasahl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Horatio and Archie first-time fic with a little angst.</p>
            </blockquote>





	After Ferrol

**Author's Note:**

> This is set after "The Duchess and the Devil." I am indebted to dirty diana for the beta.

It was strange how much more pungent the smell of the sea air was on land, than at sea proper. Perhaps on the ocean it was simply overwhelming to the point of undetectability, Horatio thought, as he and Archie stepped onto land for their leave.

Archie seemed as hale as he'd ever been, but Horatio couldn't help glancing at him now and again, regardless, driven by concern and guilt to search for signs of lingering ill health. He'd failed Archie numerous times — leaving him to be cast adrift by Simpson, unheeding of his slow starvation at Ferrol. He would not fail him again.

It was not so onerous a burden. The sheer joy of it hit him then, as it had so often in the preceding weeks. The sheer joy of being able once again to look at Archie, to study him, his expressive face and quicksilver moods. Horatio envied him that. No, to look upon Archie was no burden at all.

Archie wouldn't like it, of course, still painfully sensitive over all that happened. Horatio took care to fit his searching glances in between-times, when Archie and everyone else were otherwise occupied. That was easily enough managed. Horatio had had years of practice at looking at Archie so no one would notice. First on the Justinian, when in his innocence he'd thought his regard mere common sense, studying the habits of a fellow seaman to see how he got along in order to emulate him. He'd known, even then, that Simpson would take Horatio always looking to Archie as a grave insult or even a challenge, and had always taken pains to never be caught at it.

Even during those precious months together aboard the Indie, so eager to earn his way into Pellew's good graces, so busy trying to learn the way of command, so mindful of his duty and where his attention should lie at all times was he, that he took pains to snatch his looks at Archie in short secret bursts. He'd still had only a dim understanding of why his restless eyes must needs constantly search out Archie's countenance — but he'd had a firmer one that it would be taken amiss, a great guilty feeling that he was doing something wrong.

But he was a man now, with a man's knowledge, and a man's experience of life aboard ship. Into even his Thucydides-fogged brain, stuffed full of equations and Euclid, the loose talk and dirty jokes of those around him had penetrated.

It had seemed a great weighty thing upon his discovery of it. That there were men in this world so aflame with unnatural lust for other men that they would risk loss of honor and life to act upon it. The thought was so raw and unexpected it hardly seemed it could ever be topped by any greater discovery. Yet, it had been almost immediately.

His dreams that night had been hot and restless, and he awoke to a stickiness he believed he'd put away some time before.

Horatio never allowed himself the pointless indulgence of putting a face to his dreams. In such a circumstance, Archie must come to him, and Horatio was not fool enough to believe that Archie ever would. So he contented himself with camaraderie. It was better than what he'd had before, duty and isolation.

* * *

Their day ashore was entirely taken up. Both Archie and Horatio had pay to draw from the Clerk of the Cheque after their time in Ferrol, and Archie had to deal with a great deal of paperwork. He had been down in the rolls as dead, the French and the Spanish having neglected to report him as a prisoner of war.

Then there were a great many shops to visit, and it was quite late before they were able to take supper and find lodging. Horatio was relieved they had been granted a 24-hours leave.

Archie colored at something the innkeeper said, dropping coins into the woman's outstretched hands almost begrudgingly.

Horatio wondered what made him turn so, for Archie was not easily embarrassed. She'd been complaining about renting to sailors, sure to be loud and quarrelsome with drink. No doubt she was angling for a higher than usual fee.

Archie had haggled anyway, and she'd given in with a sigh. "At least your kind ain't so like to cause problems, not being inclined to fight over loose women."

That was what had made Archie color, though Horatio could find no fault with it. What kind? Officers? That was surely no reason for Archie Kennedy to blush like a maiden.

"Come, Horatio," said Archie impatiently. "Let's stow our bags and be away."

They made their way to the room, Horatio shutting the door firmly behind them so they could wash their faces and hands before heading out. The room appeared overlarge to him, with a wash stand, a chair, a vanity and a large double bed. To share all this with just one other person seemed a surfeit of privacy.

They'd agreed previously not to turn in early, but Horatio had no idea what amusements there were on evenings like this for two such as they. "We could find a game of whist?" he suggested lamely.

"I'd be a poor partner," Archie said with a bitterness in his tone Horatio failed to understand. He ignored it, filing it away for pondering at some other, better time.

"I confess then that I'm out of ideas. Let's go to a pub and find a table — unless you have a better plan."

"No," Archie said diffidently. "Whatever — whatever you want, Horatio."

"Archie," Horatio sighed. "I'd like us both to be amused, but I can't do anything about it if you won't tell me what you'd like to do." Horatio ducked his head. "Being raised in the country by a widower and a succession of tutors does not help much in figuring out what pastimes there are to amuse grown men on leave." The phrase grown men teased something loose in his mind, and he had to swallow hard. "Unless," Horatio said, feeling as if he'd eaten a bad egg. "You'd like to seek out other company? I can make myself scarce for an hour or two and leave you the room."

Archie paused before answering, an act so unlike him that Horatio actually turned to the window to see if some passing thing had caught Archie's attention. "No," Archie said finally. "Is that what you'd like? We have been away a long time. I, too, can make myself scarce."

"And shock Mrs. Teasdale? I think not." Horatio clasped his hand to Archie's shoulder and they grinned foolishly at each other.

"The pub then," Archie replied.

Archie's no had been stated strongly enough that it should have satisfied Horatio, but there had been such an odd tone in his voice as he answered that Horatio could not shake the feeling that Archie had told him a half-truth, and Horatio lapsed into uneasy silence as he moved to take his turn at the wash basin.

This fresh puzzle brought the recent one to mind and Horatio asked the question as he dried his face. "What was that she meant anyway? When she said our kind? For I saw you color at it, you are surely accustomed to being an officer by now?"

But Archie's hat was in one hand, and his other was on the knob. "Never mind that, Horatio. It doesn't signify. Ready then?" And with a jaunty grin, Archie was out the door and Horatio had to hurry to catch up.

As it happened they did find a whist game, for the pub they walked into was already inhabited by a few younger, penniless officers like themselves. The Mssrs. Harding and Pierce of His Majesty's Royal Dauntless. Mister Harding rose to greet them with precise courtesy and asked them to join the table. They had just finished a rubber with two others who were leaving, but there was an odd hesitancy about the invitation. Midshipman Harding looked strangely at Horatio, sizing him up and finding him wanting somehow. Archie, too, studied Horatio, cautiously. But there was no courteous way to refuse the invitation and find their own table, so Horatio agreed and said aye.

They drew for partners for naught, which ended up making things quite even as Horatio drew Archie, and Midshipman Harding drew his shipmate, the Lieutenant Pierce. Pierce was a bit drunk, and utterly unable to keep his own hand in his head, never mind anyone else's, but Harding turned out to be a worthy opponent for Horatio's skills.

Horatio's lip quirked in triumph as the good Midshipman Harding laid down his card, taking the trick. There were still two tricks to play, but his success was now a mathematical certainty. Midshipman Harding caught the movement with a rueful grin of his own. "Play it through, Mr. Hornblower, play it through."

Horatio inclined his head in acknowledgement as Lieutenant Pierce peered over his drink. "What's that, George?"

"We've lost, sir," the midshipman replied.

"Lost?" the lieutenant echoed, staring at the two remaining cards in his hand.

"There are but two trumps left and less I miss my guess, they reside in Lieutenant Hornblower's hand."

"Indeed," Horatio agreed, "Therefore, the next two tricks go to Mr. Kennedy and myself. And that, gentlemen, is game and rubber."

"Did we make them fight for it, by Jove?"

"With cannons and cutlasses, sir."

"Indeed," Horatio said again, "It has been some time since I have enjoyed so challenging an opponent. Nor had to rely so thoroughly on a lucky draw."

Harding laughed, tilting his head toward Pierce. "You were more fortunate in your whist partner, as well, I submit."

"Impudence!" Pierce snorted in good-humored acknowledgement.

The game finished, the four stood settling accounts. "If you are free tomorrow evening, my pocket book fears meeting you in the taproom again."

"Your pocketbook can be at ease then, for our leave ends tomorrow."

"A pity," Harding replied. "I enjoyed this game." The two men grinned at each other, Horatio openly delighting in his victory under Harding's frank admiration until Archie stepped closer, drawing his attention.

"It grows late," Archie said quietly, invoking Horatio's chagrin.

"I had not thought," Horatio began, "But, of course, you are still recovering. I am sorry, Archie," he said, stricken. Ferrol hung in the air between them. Archie cursed indistinctly under his breath, and Horatio quickly wiped the concern from his face. Archie had told him repeatedly that the last thing he needed or wanted was more solicitous hovering. Horatio reproached himself for forcing Archie to voice his weariness.

Horatio turned back to Harding to make his goodbyes and caught the elder midshipman brimming with sympathy as he looked at Archie, who was pointedly looking away, suddenly tense.

"Here's your hat, sir," Harding said, reaching out to the fumbling Pierce. In a quieter voice, for Archie's ears alone, he said something Horatio could not make out. Archie drew back both mollified and embarrassed. Horatio puzzled, but thought it best simply to leave.

"Good day, Mr. Pierce, Mr. Harding," Horatio said and they were out the door.

"What did he say to you, Archie?" Horatio asked once they were away.

Archie started. "Just, just that I needn't worry he was looking for a new whist partner."

This enlightened Horatio not one wit, but Archie seemed uncharacteristically lost in contemplation, and Horatio was not much given to chatter. They finished the walk to their room in silence.

As they entered their room, tell-tale thumps came from the wall they shared with the next one, punctuated by laughter and lusty sighs. Horatio blushed. "We're not the only ones to have a satisfactory conclusion to our evening," Archie said.

Horatio snorted, as he began undressing. "We may not have a satisfactory conclusion to our evening after all. For I don't see how we can sleep through that."

Archie finished washing up before replying. "They'll be done soon. Besides, I've seen you sleep through a gale."

"This is hardly the same. I'm accustomed to gales."

"As you are not to the sounds of fornicating?"

Horatio's eyes dropped self-consciously and his hands fiddled at nothing. "I've never even so much as kissed a woman," he muttered as if imparting a great secret. He turned to his sea chest to draw out his night shirt, raking a hand through his curls. "I'd probably make a muck of it."

"You could always practice on me," Archie replied.

Horatio didn't even turn around. "Don't jest with me, Archie," he snapped irritably.

"I'm sorry, Horatio, I wouldn't ... laugh ... at ..." Archie dissolved into hoots of derision for Horatio stood, clad in the frilliest of night attire, his lanky legs sticking out from a hem more than a foot too short.

"I've had it before I went to sea; my father's housekeeper made it," he defended. "It hardly seemed necessary to replace it when I mostly sleep in my uniform."

"I take it, then, you don't have one to loan me," Archie replied, his expression still too amused for Horatio's comfort. "For that is one item I forgot to purchase."

"Sleep in your underwear then and tomorrow we'll leave early enough to do a little restocking for you, courtesy of Mssrs. Harding and Pierce."

Archie shook his head. "That's your money, Horatio. I hardly had a hand in it."

"We were partners," Horatio replied stoutly, "And I'll hear no more of the matter. If it pleases your conscience, you can pay me back once you receive your allowance."

The mattress dipped precariously as Horatio got into bed, causing Archie to chuckle in embarrassed strain. "It's worse than trying to share a hammock."

"You've had to share your hammock?"

Archie was still frantically trying to push himself back to the edge of the bed and ignored the query.

Horatio reached over and placed a calming hand on Archie's. "For goodness's sake, Archie, you're making me seasick. Tight quarters won't kill us."

Archie ceased his frantic struggles. "You don't mind? We are quite close."

"I don't mind if you don't." Horatio was in fact glad of the excuse to touch Archie. They had achieved an easy familiarity with each other's bodies at Ferrol. For Horatio, that would be a hard thing to give up though he knew he must. Archie had already more than amply demonstrated his annoyance at Horatio's consideration without which Horatio had no more reason to touch Archie.

"I don't mind," Archie replied.

Horatio felt almost naked, dressed this way for bed, and Archie was so, clad only in his skivvies. Their sides were touching at the shoulders, thighs and ankles. Had it been anyone else but Archie, Horatio might have lain awake for hours, or rested only fitfully. Instead, he fell asleep almost immediately, and rested better than he had in quite some time, lulled by the comforting warmth of the man next to him.

At some point in the night, Horatio's unconscious mind registered the loss of warmth, and he awoke, "Archie?" he murmured.

"Go back to sleep, Horatio," Archie replied from somewhere near the window.

Horatio sat up instead, wide awake with concern. "Are you ill?"

"I'm fine, Horatio."

Horatio stood and padded over to the other man. "What is it? Can you not sleep?" He placed his hand on Archie's shoulder, forcing him to turn and look Horatio in the face. Horatio's hair was down and tumbled about his face in a riot of curls. Fresh from bed, his features softened by sleep, he looked like nothing so much as a blade sneaking away after a debauch. Archie twitched in distress. "Forgive me, Horatio, I cannot resist," he said. It was the only warning Horatio had before he found himself caught as Archie leaned in and pressed his lips to Horatio's. It was the tiniest of kisses, a soft brush of the lips that Horatio could almost believe imagined were Archie not staring at him heavily, waiting for Horatio knew not what. For Horatio's part, he could almost believe his heart had stopped beating as Archie again pressed their mouths together.

Horatio was afraid to move, afraid to hope. What was Archie doing? Why in the world was he kissing him? A moment, and Archie started to pull away. Horatio realized he must be giving a very bad account of himself. Whatever Archie thought he was doing, Horatio certainly didn't want him to stop. Which meant making sure Archie enjoyed it. He placed his hand on the back of Archie's neck, preventing his pulling away and did his best to move his tongue in imitation of Archie. Horatio had always been a solitary boy. With no friends to jest with, he had not learned of things that others took for granted. He knew what kissing was supposed to be. Well. Mostly, he knew. He knew it had to do with mouths and tongues, at least. But he had no one to talk such things over with, and one simply didn't stare at the men when their "wives" came aboard. He thought he was doing all right, but then he thought he wasn't supposed to be thinking so much. Perhaps, that was a bad augury. Archie made a sound of distress, plucking at the hand on his neck. Horatio let go immediately. "I'm sorry, Archie, did I do something wrong?"

"Could you not pull so very hard against my neck?" Archie said.

Horatio was chagrined at himself and discomfited, snatching his hand away immediately. "I did not mean to "

"Shh, Horatio," Archie said, placing a finger to Horatio's lips. "I felt queer all of a sudden. Do not trouble yourself so; it has passed."

"Archie, I " But Archie seemed afraid to let Horatio talk, sweeping him again into a kiss before he could finish his thought. Horatio let himself be swept along, feeling queerly himself, infused with a kind of strange joy and madness. His body ached and shook as Archie leaned against him. Horatio clasped his hands behind his back, desperately resisting the urge to touch Archie again, afraid that to do so would be to end all this.

Archie was plundering Horatio's mouth now, and his hands roamed everywhere, plucking feverishly at Horatio's night clothing. An errant hand brushed against Horatio's increasing erection, and it was too much. He hungered for the feel of Archie's skin against his own, was frantic and greedy for the sensation of it. He clawed at his garments, his fingers tripping over themselves. Even in this, he lacked grace. "Assist me?" he begged, breaking his silence in his need.

Archie's fingers were trembling as they took over, but they plucked at Horatio's clothing with more surety. Finally bared to view, Horatio shivered, though not entirely from the cold. Archie was still semi-clothed, and Horatio did not know what he was about. As soon as Archie's hands left Horatio's body, Horatio crossed his arms to keep from snatching at Archie, waiting, waiting, waiting eternally, determined not to scare Archie off.

He had never, not once in his entire life, felt such fear as that which gnawed at him now. This could be a dream. Archie could disappear. Oh, so many things could so very suddenly go wrong and Horatio could find himself alone again. Could find that he had offended Archie somehow and lost his friendship. Horatio's personal ship had a lee shore, and he had a sure feeling that he would soon run aground.

It was then, with very great relief that he realized that Archie was stripping himself as well. "Archie, I" Horatio tried again, but Archie seemed determine to stop Horatio from speaking, as if frightened of what he would say. He put a finger to Horatio's mouth, silencing. "Let me, Horatio," Archie beseeched. "I pray you, let me have tonight."

"Anything," Horatio replied, gasping at the sensation of Archie's heated skin pressed at last to his own. Horatio's body was insistent and clamoring with desire. He gasped in open-mouthed shock as flesh met hardness. Then Archie was against him, friction, sweet friction, and Horatio moved in imitation.

They tumbled to the bed writhing against each other. Meeting each other with kisses and caresses, touching and fondling everywhere. Archie twisted a bit until their hard lengths were pressed against each other, establishing a sure rhythm. Horatio tried to hold on, he wished the moment could last always, but much too soon he was overwhelmed, only dimly aware of the muffled shout that signaled Archie had similarly exploded.

Horatio came back to himself slowly as if swimming up from the deeps. Breaking surface into cool-headed thought, he shook himself hard. He had meant to, had meant — well, he was not sure what he had meant to do having never had the audacity to allow his imagination such free rein, but he was quite sure it would have involved more finesse and concern for Archie's well-being. He pushed himself up on his forearms, conscious of his great lanky weight against Archie. "Hell!" he swore.

He regretted the lapse instantly. Archie stiffened against him and rolled away. Archie knew as well as anyone Horatio's dislike of swearing and how little he allowed himself to do so. Horatio knew of no way to rectify the matter. He could not take the word back, nor could he explain it. Archie would be annoyed, perhaps even hurt, that Horatio might still think him unwell in any least particle. Horatio settled for lying himself against Archie's back, and kissing him softly, gratefully, over his exposed shoulder, from forearm to ear. That conveyed better than his words would have that he did not regret their actions, and Archie slowly relaxed, though he did not turn into Horatio's embrace, nor look at him. Horatio did not press.

"Are you all right?" Archie asked softly into the dark.

"Quite," Horatio replied. He hesitated, but asked the obvious question. "Are you?"

"I'm not sure," Archie stated baldly, and it was only through sheer dint of habit at concealing emotion that Horatio made no sign of his distress, as he registered how turmoiled Archie must be to admit such a thing. "I'm tired, Horatio."

"Of course," he replied and moved away to his own side, wishing that Archie would pull him back. Of course, grown men didn't cuddle. It was good of Archie not to make too much of a thing of Horatio's lack of experience in this matter.

Archie had spoken no words of love. Horatio would not allow himself to feel disappointment. Archie had given him more than he expected, more than he deserved. This thing between them was propinquity then, propinquity and friendship, and for Archie's sake, Horatio would want no more. He could not help but feel a pang at the thought of Archie with a sweetheart. It was no more than to be expected, of course. It was what men did, marry and take wives. Horatio, too, would have to find himself a woman to love. Archie would not want him hanging about for the rest of his life.

"You are thinking unhappy thoughts, Horatio," Archie murmured into the dark. "I can hear your brain whirling."

"I was wishing the morning would not come," he said despondently.

Archie turned then to clasp Horatio tightly, dropping a kiss into his hair. Horatio pressed a kiss to Archie's chest and snuggled more firmly against him. He would not ask for more; he would not. He let his eyes close and slid into sleep as Archie whispered against his ear, "I wish it, too."

The morning did come, of course. They had slept late and were forced to rush. Horatio fumbled at his buttons with thick fingers, wanting for the first time in his life not to go back to his ship, wanting to stay here always. "Let me," Archie said. Horatio lowered his arms to his sides.

Archie finished dressing him, and Horatio silently handed him a comb, not wanting just yet to lose Archie's hands upon him. Archie smiled at him in answer, a little sadly. "Sit in the chair."

Archie's fingers felt blissful against Horatio's scalp, gently untangling the curls. Horatio leaned into the touch. Dear God, to give this up. He felt Archie's lips at his neck, light, sweet kisses. "Horatio, Horatio, Horatio."

He turned then, but Archie pulled back. "We don't have time, Horatio. I just ... I never got to kiss you in daylight."

Horatio lowered his head and turned away again, holding up the tie for his queue. His voice was quiet, quiescent. "Can we have a real kiss before we go?"

"Yes," Archie agreed, taking the tie. "God, yes."

Eventually, they were dressed and packed. "Only one thing left, Horatio," Archie said.

Horatio went into his arms eagerly. If this were the last time ... It was unthinkable. They both kept their eyes open as their lips touched, burning into each other, brimming with feeling. Horatio put every scrap of emotion he could into his tongue and lips, trying desperately to convey all the things he could not allow himself to say, all the things he wished Archie could know, would it not be a burden to him.

When Archie finally ended the kiss, Horatio did not protest. His jaw was set, but he forced it to unlock, making himself smile. "Well, Mr. Kennedy, the wide world awaits."

"Aye, aye, Mr. Hornblower," Archie replied, and they sailed out the door together.

Finis

**Author's Note:**

> Rated for non-explicit sex.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [One Night (the Break of Dawn remix)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/189855) by [Jain](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jain/pseuds/Jain)




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